Mountain Tops And Valleys

It has been a week of wonderful highs and troubling lows.  The mountain top experiences give me hope that there is real growth occuring in my life.  The valleys are a clear indication that God has a lot of work left to do on me.  For the past couple of days, there have been more valleys than mountain tops, so this post will be brief.

Tuesday morning I was talking with my friend Millie at work.  She and I frequently have “God talks,” discussing our views on spirituality and our latest life lessons.  As we were pleasantly chatting, I heard myself say, “I just wish I wasn’t such a disappointment.”

Those words came as a shock; I didn’t know I felt that way.

I realize now the shame and regret I was expressing came from old wounds from my past that I’ve avoided and denied.  Strong emotions have been surfacing with increasing frequency.  Instead of denying them, I’m being led to explore them, make peace with them, and finally release them.

This can be extremely liberating, releasing the pent up negative energy of unresolved childhood feelings.  But as old issues are surfacing, it’s causing me to question old behaviors, attitudes, and pyridines.  I’m surprised to find just how many of my standard “adult” beliefs and behaviors were actually learned as a young boy.

Why have I continued to respond to similar circumstances in the same way that little boy did?  Truly I have not been conscious of what I’ve been doing.  But now that I am being more aware, I need time to gain my footing in unfamiliar territory.

I love the mountain top experiences.  I secretly wish I experienced nothing but the highs of living in alignment with the Spirit.  I’ve done my best to avoid the valleys whenever I can; I’m only human.  Still, as hard as these recent valleys have been, surrendering to the lessons they’re teaching is the only path to growth.  

We all enjoy the mountain tops, but we learn from the valleys.

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